The “performative male” meme is one if the funnier pieces of internet culture this year, but if we want masculinity to change, we need to start letting straight men be a little fruity.
For those of us who aren’t terminally online, what is a “performative male”? Put simply, a type of man who ascribes to an aesthetic characterized by some feminine interests. From Labubus to iced matcha lattes to feminist book-reading in public, performative males give many the impression that they’re doing it for women’s attention, almost like the reverse of a “pick-me girl.”
This isn’t the only reason why the aesthetic is mocked, though. Some people online have taken issue with the supposed use of feminism as a fashion accessory by some of these men.
Over the past couple of years, a softer, more studious aesthetic has been catching on among younger men. Tote bags are in, some men wear round-rimmed glasses with or without a prescription and dating apps report coffee dates are becoming more common than dinner dates. This meme is a caricature of that aesthetic trend.
The meme is largely in good fun so far, with many men poking fun at themselves in “performative male” contests being hosted across the United States, and even here on campus.
The consensus is that these men are worth making fun of because of the way they’re jumping on the bandwagon — they’re trend-hoppers. These men don’t appear to dress to represent themselves; they do for the attention and approval of others.
The trouble is, every fashion trend is like this. It certainly wasn’t the case that every man dressing in boots and flannels after the Great Recession was some rough-and-tumble guy, it was just popular at the time.
Few masculine fashion/aesthetic trends are the butt of the joke in the same way that the “performative male” trend is. So, what’s the difference? Basically, this one’s a little fruity.
Past fashion trends have had the same issue. The metrosexual aesthetic of the late ‘90s and early 2000s was one of these departures. This was the trend that taught men to use aftershave, pluck their eyebrows, and dress well. Attention to physical detail was the name of the game, in a way that had only been the case for men in the gay community prior. Despite this, looking back, we’d hardly equate these things with queerness in today’s world.
Today, the word metrosexual just applies to effeminate men. In the time since its popularity, it’s become equated with queerness and homophobia. In fact, for a number of years, I was under the impression that the term just referred to a man who was co-opting gay fashion.
As a reaction to this, the next men’s fashion trend was especially masculine, and the metrosexual trend became the butt of a joke firmly rooted in homophobia.
To a lesser extent, the same was true of the long-haired “free love” hippies in their time. Any movement that departs from normative masculinity is remembered by many is overly effeminate and “gay,” and as such, men work to avoid these labels.
There’s a reaction we have as a culture to trends breaking traditional gender norms, and it seems to be the case in this trend too. At the end of the day, we’re poking fun at men who like “girly” drinks at coffee shops and read feminist literature.
We have a masculinity problem in our culture — beyond anything, it teaches men to react to emasculation with power and violence. If we want to change this, we need to start changing the way we react when breaking masculine norms becomes popular. Put another way, we need to let the straight men be a little fruity.
I’m not advocating for the deployment of the fun police. I think the meme is fun, and it’s important we don’t let feminism become a fashion accessory. I’m not going to pretend there aren’t a lot of men hopping on the bandwagon. There’s a lot to make light of. We just need to make certain that we’re not remembering this as a reaction to men dressing and acting effeminate.
One final, personal note – we NEED to stop letting men catch strays for reading. Whatever the reason for opening the book, it can’t hurt them.
