Emphasizing a life that is under one’s thorough control stems from the mindset that you need a total degreeof influence over the things and people that connect to you, and such a mindset has many disadvantages.
It is simple to recognize that for one, others have lives, goals, ideas and feelings of their own. Trying to control somebody else invalidates them entirely.
Imagine an individual who is favored by circumstances, such as a supportive family, favorable community, and many job and social possibilities within simple reach.
If they believe they have complete control over things, then they would credit their pleasant life to their own making- without realizing it’s built on others as well.
I’ve been unfortunate enough to have met a fair number of such people who believe they control their world completely.
The one thing that most impacted me from them was their reactions to difficult times, or how they reacted when I didn’t think and act in a way they wanted me to.
One day, they would be all friendly, but the next they would become violent, manipulative orcondescending.
It was frightening the way some of them would immediately transform into a animalistic and childish force within a grown person’s body.
It is one thing to be upset and grumpy because something didn’t turn out as one hoped and to move on, but it’s hardly reassuring when someone needs to do all the harm they can to regain their feeling of self-security.
It’s like they’re thinking “this bad thing happened to me, so I have to make something bad happen to you so that I can reassure myself that I’m in control”.
Another disadvantageous effect, though a bit different, is to turn that anger inward towards oneself.
This can induce depression and selfresentment.
The probability of harm in this case is high, including the developments of poor work habits and worsening mental health, which can be detrimental to someones wellbeing.
In resenting oneself, there is also the possibility of turning against one’s identity and lashing out towards others that are more “successful” with more “control” over their own lives.
Seeking to have control over one’s life also means determining the opinions others.
Thus, it is not unusual that in such cases there is an overall abandonment of friendships and relationships from both parties to protect themselves.
The desire to truly control others, in both perceptions and actions means that all well-meaning intent by oneself is superficial.
To truly have a life at peace, one has to accept that not everything is within one’s control.
Those who embrace their community and accept that they have little control of it are more likely to see the benefits which that community brings them.
After all, you can’t control others actions, just how you respond to them.
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