It’s the year 2022 and we are approaching midterms of the winter semester.
I have been reflecting and going through a large number of trials and errors since before the start of the semester, let alone since my freshman year, two years ago.
To me, it is amazing how far I have come in my college career.
There have been many fears and worries especially when the pandemic turned life upside down.
I have considered a number of times if I was doing the right thing, putting my time and energy in the right direction.
Unfortunately, I have fallen into habits and continue to struggle to stay on top of my schooling, emotionally and mentally.
I continue to pass classes and make the Dean’s List, but am I really getting what I need out my college experience?
Am I truly learning?
I feel like I am just making deadlines and not fully receiving or digging for the information, the tools, the experience I need to become a better musician and teacher.
With the pandemic forcing me to stay inside with limited contact with people, seeing those I care about struggle, as well as other outside stressors entering my life, I find I am losing sight of myself and the goals and dreams I had as a college freshman.
I walked into SVSU with the dream that I’d teach music and grow into a great performer.
I remember being excited and very interested in what I was doing.
I kept thinking about the classes ahead and the progress I would make.
I can at least say that I have grown and learned, but it feels so much hindered as the days, months, and now years continue on. There is so much that runs through my head.
Despite being someone who strives to be organized, prepared and attentive as best as I can, I am still failing to be consistent.
I can barely keep my eyes open for a morning class, let alone keep up with assignments and the details required of those assignments.
For those of you reading this, just know you are not alone.
Life has been so different and continues to change as we learn and grow as adults.
What is the point of this article?
Maybe it is just for me to release some frustration, some worry and some stress that continues to bubble inside.
Being alone in this past year has been a huge eye opener with a large amount of frustration, tears and the growing fear – am I here for the right career?
And how do I figure that out? How does anyone figure that out?
Am I doing too much outside of classes?
Am I hanging out with people who are taking away from my experience?
Am I prioritizing the right items?
Am I putting enough time in to be successful?
I could continue on with these questions, but that doesn’t help me or anyone if I can’t find the right answers to them.
I was reminded Monday in a voice lesson – why are you here? Why do you spend the money to be at SVSU? Why be in that voice lesson right now?
Is it to have a grade at the end of the semester? Or is it to learn and find my potential as a vocalist?
I realized I got caught up in the deadlines– the “fake it until you make it” ideal. I walked out of that lesson very upset at myself for not better preparing.
I knew better and that hurt the most.
But my teacher was right, no matter how hurt and upset I was in that moment.
I was at school because I wanted to continue this path of becoming a great vocalist and the best teacher I could be for the students I’d have in the future.
So, to all college students reading this – you got it and don’t forget why you came to college in the first place.
Don’t forgot your dream, as corny as that sounds.
It’s important and that is what drives the intention, interest and love for what you do.
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