Staff’s top five failed resolutions

Hannah Beach:

It’s been said that you pick up the traits of those you spend the most time with,
and that’s where my New Year’s resolution comes in. Two of my closest friends are very skilled burpers. I live with one of them, so needless to say, her lack of control in the burping area has been rubbing off on me. However, when I went home for Christmas break, it annoyed my mom to no end, and I agreed to be a little politer after New Year’s Day. And how long did this last? It was only minutes after midnight when I let out a burp that got me another dirty look from my mom. Some resolutions just aren’t meant to be kept. Sorry, Mom.

Abby Welsh:

I have failed many resolutions, and we’re barely a month into 2019. The
rst one was no soda. As soon as it hit midnight, I chugged a Mountain Dew. However, I am drinking more water now, which is progress. Second, eating healthier. I have cut out most greasy and fast foods, but I find myself snacking on chocolates and candies more than real food. Third, exercising more. I don’t think I’ve lifted a finger yet. Fourth, saving money for necessities. I can’t help but end up spending my money on new clothes I think I need or quick food during my breaks at work. Fifth, being nicer to my car. By that, I mean being careful on potholes, checking it regularly and all that jazz. So far, I think I have hit every pothole in Michigan. But is that really my fault? Anyway, the start of 2019 hasn’t been the best, but hopefully I can get myself back on track and stick to these resolutions.

Melissa Vennix:

Every year I try to come up with two New Year’s resolutions – one that is easier, and another that challenges me. My easy resolution is to wash my face every day of the year, which has so far been a piece of cake. My more difficult resolution is to not eat meat this year … and it lasted about seven hours. So, I vowed that the second day of the year I’d try again. I failed again the second day. Then I failed, the third, fourth and fifth days. Since then I’ve struggled through, but I think I’m finally on the right track to not eating meat. However, only time will tell.

Micali Gadola:

To be honest, I’ve mostly given up on setting strict New Year’s resolutions for myself. I’m not known for being successful at keeping them. I do like to take time at the end of the year to re-evaluate my life, though, and usually I’m able to find one or two areas I could improve upon. This past year, I found that one thing causing many problems for me was the severe lack of sleep I was getting. So, my tentative New Year’s resolution for 2019 became: “Fix your sleep schedule, Cali!”

However, we’re less than one month into the year, and it turns out that telling myself to get to sleep before 1 a.m. every night was a bit too ambitious of a goal. Because, you know, I had to finish two seasons of “Big Mouth” as soon as possible, and it was a necessity that I spend three hours singing Broadway karaoke in my kitchen. To be fair though, I did have some nights where I was asleep by midnight, which was a huge success by my standards. But the following night you’d be able to find me on Buzzfeed at 2:15, taking a quiz to figure out what color my aura is based
on my favorite foods (spoiler alert: it’s orange).

I can’t say I’m surprised I failed at this resolution, but hey, I’ve got a whole year ahead of me to work on it.

Kaitlyn Farley:

I suppose I shouldn’t really be writing a “failed resolution,” because I failed to make any resolutions. In theory, it seems like a great idea to commit yourself to some sort of wellness goal, be it mental or physical, but I’m not dumb. Do you know what a synonym for ‘New Year’s resolution’ is? Lie – more specifically, lies we (or, I guess, just me, really), tell ourselves to make us (again, me) feel good about not doing things we’re (again, I’m) supposed to be doing anyhow.

Did you say that you are going to sleep more? Great. I’m not probably going to do that. Go to the gym? My response: Why prolong your life? Haven’t you heard that the ice caps are melting and we’re going to all die in a Moses-esque food? Going to eat better? McDonald’s is a lot cheaper than salmon. Like, a lot cheaper. Going to study more? But I haven’t finished watching “Killing Eve.”

See? Aim low and avoid disappointment.

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