Hi Vince, I hope you don’t mind that I sent this. I noticed that I have problems not putting my needs before others’, if I want to live a life that’s my own, how can I do that?
Answer:
Hi,
I think this is a great question we could all benefit from. As tough a situation as it is, let me first ask you a few questions as well: Is what you’re doing fit to service and or benefit you? Or is this something that takes time out of your day to do when you should be focusing on other things?
There is such a thing as a ‘people pleaser,’ (as a past one myself, I relate to your question all too well) which often comes from experiences (and occasionally unpleasant people) that have impacted us more than we think.
For example, I understand where you come from, especially when people have an expectation of your time and efforts, even when you have things in your own life, behind the curtain, you need to settle. These situations require setting boundaries, which, you may think is impossible, but is rather easy.
A quote I’ve seen online before includes, “if setting boundaries ruins a relationship, the relationship wasn’t worth it in the first place.” If you care about who you’re setting these boundaries with, and you want your relationship to continue to work– whether it be with a professor, your work, a friend, or a partner– all of these things are relationships that take more than one person. If you’re able to get your point across (without being hostile is important to note), you’ll be ahead of the game and truthfully, both you and the person you’re setting boundaries with will benefit, especially if they do truly care about you.
Sure, the task may be daunting and a little scary, but all in all, there will be benefits from doing these things. I wish you the best of luck with this!